This question has lingered for what seems like an eternity. Actually, it really has been around since the very beginning. Adam had to have asked himself and maybe even God this very question after that mishap in the garden. Now thrust into a very different reality than before, I’m sure this difficult question was present as Adam toiled to provide for his now growing family all the while trying to understand what it meant to be a husband and a father. It’s a question that every man has and or will ask himself as he looks to find his way. In the world today this can be a difficult topic to navigate, but one that I think is essential for us as believers to try and answer. The very notion that a Man is even different from a woman is under attack at the hands of a world that doesn’t acknowledge our divine creator. So, how do we answer this question? First let’s take a deeper look at some of the pressures and challenges that men face as they seek to find this answer.

THE PRESSURES AND CHALLENGES

Societal Inconsistencies and Influence. Let me start by saying this, a society that tries to give the definition of a Man or Woman without the acknowledgement of God as creator is destined to fail. We live in a construct that requires a personal relationship with God through the acceptance of Jesus as our Lord and
savior as well as the Word of God to even begin the conversation much less hope to gain understanding. This is the reason we see all types of erratic behaviors and inconsistent perspectives as it pertains to genders, their roles, and even the virtues associated with them. We’re inundated with the world’s answers
to this question in television shows, social media posts, political agendas, and public forums. Confusion has begun to set in, and Terms like “Toxic Masculinity” seek to tear at the very fabric of the Father’s design. God has an order, and we must seek Him to understand its purpose!

To Conform. Whether it’s in the church or in the world, peer pressure is real! Many misguided
perspectives and attempts within the church to shape this conversation have raised questions in the world
about what it really means to be a man. Somewhere along the line, the sin that still impacts all of us
including us believers has contributed to this problem. Some in the church have partnered with fear in
their attempts to dissuade others’ questions. Some have tried to control rather than teach or lead in love.
The world wants us to conform to its model, and so do the believers in our local churches. This struggle is
real and it exists for all of us! The church is full of people at various stages in their own growth and
maturity in Christ. Partner this with different denominational, doctrinal, and theological discussions and
the enemy of our souls has all the ammunition necessary to distort the picture. Now a broken and
wounded world shakes its finger at the church and seems to reject anything that it and the Word suggests
as a Biblical model for Men.

To Perform. This pressure to look and act based on societal norms or fads has always been there. Even
within the church. To dress, talk, act, or even believe the same as those around you is ever present. This is
closely linked to conformity and production though slightly different. Acceptance is the root desire here.
We want to feel accepted. This is a God given desire. The world says “We reject you, if you don’t look and
act like us!” Unfortunately, this infiltrated the church as well. People became uncomfortable when
someone dared to walk in looking like the “rest of the world,” all the while forgetting the work of the Holy
Spirit and the process of sanctification go hand in hand. This has helped the enemy label the church as
critical and judgemental. How has this been a problem for men? Stereotypes, classifications, and labels
limit our perspective. God created men, as a very diverse group. Men often haven’t felt permission to look
or be different from other men or the women within the church. The “Toxic Masculinity” conversation
crossed over into the church as men were often labeled “To Rough” and expected to look or act differently
without being given a real model of Godly masculinity. This has created problems for men simply trying to
be what they believe God and his Word have directed them to be, and facilitated a mass exodus of men
leaving the church model for several decades.

Honorable mentions… Sex. God made it, the enemy has perverted it, and for years the church didn’t talk about it. It might be the single most talked about subject in my office. In my opinion, there isn’t a topic that the church shouldn’t be prepared to talk about, teach, or engage in. If we don’t, the rest of the world will help us find the answers.

Religion. God made it, the enemy distorted it, and man in his infinite wisdom and carnal humanity just plain screwed it up! There was always supposed to be a combination of studying the scripture, corporate worship, and personal relationship with Jesus. Adherence to and the practice of our doctrinal beliefs is important, but the arguments amongst believers about what’s more important has left many men feeling disengaged, disenfranchised, and running rogue for the enemy to pick them off. There are many layers to all of these topics that we could discuss at length, but each in its own way has created pressure and challenges unique to men and their discovery of what it means to be a Godly man.

So the question remains… What does it actually mean to be a Godly man? Before we break this down let’s take a look at David. The only man in scripture to be called “A man after God’s own heart…” 1 Samuel 13:14. You all know the story of David, but there are some attributes here that I think are worth mentioning. David was passionate! He served God with a fervent heart. This was evidenced by his stern reprimand of Goliath in 1 Samuel 17:45-47 before he defeated him with his sling and cut off his head. David was a lover and a fighter, a worshiper and a warrior. When we look at David we see a beautiful blending of strength, resolve, and tenderness combined with faith, trust, love and devotion to God. David gives us a great example of what a Godly man looks like! As we try to answer the question at
hand we’ll break the answers down into 3 categories: gender, attributes and virtues, and role.

Gender: We can’t overlook this part of the equation. Right now this is under siege and the answers being given are in direct contrast to God, His Word, and His divine order. God made Adam a man and Eve a woman. The animals he created into two different groups both male and female. Without taking the conversation in another direction, the physiological differences are evident between men and women and this was by a divine plan. I know that I’m probably preaching to the choir here, but the enemy has twisted this conversation. One’s own thoughts can be deceiving and in the world we currently live in people are determining gender based on thoughts and feelings with complete disregard to physiology. That’s scary to say the least. What we have to understand is that God designed men and women differently for a purpose. Each exhibits a different element of God that he took great intentionality in creating. There’s a beauty in each of them individually and a harmony that He desired to be displayed in their coming together. God chose the union of a man and a woman to bring new life ito the world. Denying this very specific purpose means that humans would no longer inhabit the earth. Imagine if the animals suddenly decide to choose to be a different gender, or prefer the same sex. The world would completely cease to exist. The natural order of God’s creation would be disrupted and eventually everything would die off. This brings us back to one of the very first points in this article. If we deny God as our divine creator, and Jesus as our Lord and savior, then God’s divine order and perfect plan for both men and women can be called into question. Sound familiar?

Attributes, Characteristics, Traits, and Virtues: Masculinity isn’t toxic. Pride is. Almost every example I can find listed as “Toxic Masculinity” is a quality God meant men to have that’s been perverted by the enemy with pride, arrogance, and or insecurity. By the way, arrogance and insecurity are on opposite ends of the pride spectrum but still in the same family… they’re both “Self Focused.” The definition of the word masculine simply means having qualities regarded as male or traditionally associated with that of men or boys. It’s what actually makes us men! Some of the qualities mentioned in this definition were strength, vigor, boldness, and confidence. What’s interesting to me is some of the very same qualities that were acknowledged and even desired in men only a few years ago are now considered “Toxic” or even “Dangerous.” John Wayne, also known as the Duke, often played the role of some tough old cowboy in his movies. A guy
willing to do what was necessary to get the job done, willing to fight for what was right, and a man looking for a beautiful woman to love and share his heart with. How did that ever become a bad thing?? The emasculation of men has a very distinct purpose. Weak men are more easily manipulated, swayed, and or even subdued. Strong men aren’t pushovers and they might just hit you in the mouth to remind you of that fact! But, a Godly man isn’t merely a man of physical strength and stature. He’s more than that. Otherwise, God would have made all men the exact same, Big and Strong! So what then do we look to for the answer? Here are some virtues of a Godly man found in scripture. In 1 Timothy 6:11,12 Paul tells Timothy to pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, perseverance, and gentleness. Then he tells him to continue fighting the good fight of faith and no one will be able to find fault in him. A Godly man loves the Lord. He’s steadfast and resolute in his faith. He’s unwavering. Doesn’t sound like this type of guy is a pushover is he? Galatians 5:24 states that those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed their passions and desires of their sinful nature to the cross. They’ve crucified their flesh! No “Toxic Masculinity” here. A Godly man has submitted his heart to the Lord. He loves unconditionally and sacrificially, John 13:1.

He’s willing to lay his own life down for those he loves. This sounds like Christ loving the church doesn’t it? A Godly man takes a stand against wrong and fights for what is right, Matthew 21:12-17. Both David and Jesus himself provide models of what it looks like to be a Godly man. Godly men are honorable, accountable, vigilant, steadfast, have integrity, are protectors, providers, are loving, gentle, kind, and courageous. In Mark Batterson’s book “Play the Man,” he discusses the 7 virtues of manhood, none of which requires physical strength, large stature, or brute force.
1. Tough Love
2. Childlike Wonder
3. Will Power
4. Raw Passion
5. True Grit
6. Clear Vision
7. Moral Courage.
All of these virtues lend to something much deeper than merely physical strength or attributes. It’s the heart, mind, and body of a man that’s different and sets him apart. You combine those virtues with a man that also has been blessed with the physical gifts of size, strength, or agility and you have a force to be reckoned with! You have David or Samson. Maybe you weren’t blessed with any of those physical gifts, but you have great resolve, wisdom, sticktoitiveness, or passion. Then you might be more like Noah, Solomon, Peter, or even Jesus! The list could go on and on, but the point is, none of these powerful men of God in scripture became who they were without the understanding that Abba Father was their creator and He had a purpose for them. For you and I, this means that
Abba Father is our creator, Jesus is our savior, the Holy Spirit is our guide, and the Bible is our roadmap. Our identity is in Christ, and we need his help to figure out who we are and how to live it out correctly. Our hearts must be fully engaged, fully submitted, and 100% sold out to His perfect plan and purpose for us.

Role: The role of a man and the attributes that he brings to the table are unique. You see, God knew that life wouldn’t be easy. He knew that this walk of faith would take something different. The roles of Father and Husband are given specifically to a man. Father’s model God himself to the next generation. Loving, protecting, and stewarding them as they grow. A woman wasn’t designed to carry the responsibilities of Father or Husband. This isn’t a slight toward women! On  the contrary, a woman was also designed for a specific purpose in all her splendor to bring God glory in a way that only she can. A man wasn’t designed in this way either. Husbands were created to lead, love, and serve in a way that Christ modeled to the church. It was part of God’s master plan. Yes, I know not every man will be a husband or a father. That doesn’t mean the Father left you void of purpose. See those virtues listed above? You have them, and they’re still needed in your community and your local church. Now, the problem starts when we try to compare men and women, or buy into the world’s perspective of value, equality, or superiority. Comparison is the thief of joy. Remember, in God’s economy the last shall be first and the first shall be last Matthew 20:16. He uses the things of the foolish to confound the wise 1 Corinthians 1:27. Men and women aren’t equal, because they simply aren’t the same. Nor is one superior to the other. Men can’t be women, and women can’t be men. We aren’t interchangeable with one another or the rest of creation. Furthermore, the whims and decisions of men or society have no bearing on the identities, definitions, roles, or purposes of God’s creation. God himself established these things. His word shows us the way, and church is the place where we get to learn and grow into these models. The family needs both. The Kingdom needs both! Both men and women are uniquely beautiful to God, designed with great intentionality, created for a purpose, and are deeply loved by Him. There is no comparison for either one! To God be the glory forever and ever… Amen!